Learning to Stay Present Through Life’s Highs and Lows

My almost 99-year-old grandmother passed away last week. She lived a long, full life, and it was her time. But even when we understand this, losing someone we were close to stirs deep emotions.

That same weekend, we also celebrated my four-year-old son's birthday. It was a very full weekend! Before my grandmother passed, when I was only focused on organizing the birthday party, I noticed a low level of anxiety creeping in. What will it be like? How will I manage 10 four-year-olds? What will I say to their parents, many of whom I don’t know?

In talking to other parents, I’ve realized I’m not alone—hosting children’s birthday parties often stirs a bit of anxiety. Thank goodness for solidarity!

I noticed something curious, though: I kept thinking, "I just want this to be over." In wishing away the anxiety and discomfort of planning, what was I really wishing for? I don’t want to wish away my life. I want to live to 99, sharp-minded and able to navigate life’s challenges. Yet how human it is to long for an escape from discomfort instead of sitting with it.

This realization made me pause: in wishing away the hard parts, am I inadvertently wishing away the moments that make up my life? After all, much of it is hard. 

As difficult as it can be, I want to show up for all of it—the beauty and the pain, the joy and the discomfort. I want to expand my capacity to be present with myself exactly as I am and with my life exactly as it is, moment by moment. That desire fuels my yoga practice: to expand my capacity to embrace the fullness of being human.